5 Steps To Prepare For Macular Hole Surgery

Let’s be honest—when someone says “macular hole,” it sounds like a fancy term for an interdimensional portal in a sci-fi movie. But nope, it’s your eye playing tricks on you. Specifically, the central part of your retina (the macula) has developed a teeny-tiny hole, and suddenly, reading, recognizing faces, or stalking your ex on social media becomes trickier than ever.

Enter: macular hole repair surgery. It’s a mouthful, but it’s also a sight-saver. And while no one wants eye surgery (unless you’re after bragging rights or a great excuse to wear an eyepatch), it’s often the best move for bringing your central vision back from the abyss.

So before you go full panic mode or start Googling "pirate names for adults," here are five helpful, slightly humorous steps to get you prepped for your eye's big day.

1. Get the Scoop from Your Eye Surgeon

First things first—schedule a sit-down (or a polite panic call) with your ophthalmologist. Ask all the questions: What exactly happens during macular hole repair? How long will you be out of commission? Will your eye get a tiny retinal spa day?

Spoiler alert: The procedure often involves removing the vitreous gel from your eye and placing a gas bubble to help the macula seal up. Yes, there's a literal bubble in your eye. No, you can't use it to blow soap bubbles. Sad, I know.

2. Prepare for the Face-Down Life

After surgery, you’ll likely need to stay in a face-down position for several days. This is not a suggestion. This is mandatory if you want that bubble to press just right on the macula and do its healing magic.

So practice now. Try sleeping on massage tables, using special rental chairs, or propping yourself up with a tower of pillows like a determined princess. And yes, you’ll probably develop a love/hate relationship with the floor.

3. Recruit Your Personal Assistant

Post-surgery, you won’t be able to drive, cook, or dramatically toss your hair while exiting a room. Enter your designated helper. Make sure this person can pick you up after surgery, help with meals, and—if they’re really dedicated—help you adjust your face-down angle every 23 minutes.

Bonus points if they bring you snacks and listen patiently while you complain about the bubble in your eye sounding like a fish tank.

4. Stock Up Like You’re Prepping for a Netflix Binge and a Nap-a-thon

Before surgery, gather everything you’ll need within face-down reach. That includes snacks, water, audiobooks, and maybe one of those claw grabbers so you don’t have to move more than necessary.

Also, consider downloading a few shows or podcasts where you don’t have to look at anything, because that face-down life isn’t really Netflix-friendly. (Unless you’re into staring at the floor and pretending it’s an IMAX experience.)

5. Get Mentally Ready to Talk About the Bubble. A Lot.

One of the most surreal parts of macular hole repair is the gas bubble they put in your eye. You’ll feel it sloshing when you move your head. You’ll see it bobbing in your vision. And yes, you’ll talk about it constantly.

That bubble will be your roommate for a few weeks until it absorbs naturally. Think of it as your temporary, silent eyeball companion. No rent required.

Final Thought: Get Ready to Wink Like a Pro

Macular hole surgery sounds intense, but it’s also one of those modern miracles that can restore your vision and make blurry central sight a thing of the past. The key to success? Preparation, humor, and a willingness to spend a week talking to your carpet.

If you’re facing macular hole repair, know that you're not alone, you're not doomed, and yes, you absolutely deserve a little pampering (and maybe a milkshake).

Now go forth, brave retinal warrior. May your bubble be bouncy, your naps plentiful, and your vision clear.