How To Deal With Disrespect

The definition of disrespect can often be understood when one understands the meaning of respect correctly. According to the American Psychological Association, respect is defined as an attitude or behaviour which demonstrates honour, regard, and concern towards an individual or entity. When an individual gets treated or treats someone else with disregard for their dignity, that is when one considers it disrespect. 

Respect can play a significant role in fostering communication between individuals and between groups, for instance. It is regarded as playing a vital role in many relationships

One can often notice that disrespect is often seen in social space but it is felt more personally in family or friend space. Disrespect is not acceptable in office spaces. 

In a study done by Rosenblatt et al., (1979) the study suggests being rude, discourteous, disrespectful, or sarcastic as disrespect. In American marriages, disrespect can happen frequently. For instance, Bach and Wyden (1968) believe that disrespectful arguments are rather typical in American couples. When one looks at Indian Families, they hold respect with the highest regard and expect children to respect their elders at all times, and to not do so is considered an act of rebellion. However, due to hierarchy, it is mostly expected from children but the same will not be carried out by the parents. Even in the context of a marriage, in most Indian homes it can be seen that women of the household are casually disrespected in obvious and sometimes subtle ways. Its become so common that people do not even see it as disrespect towards women. Sometimes, it can be seen that married couples/ relationships do not hold respect as a value in their marriage and it is not mutually understood between them to do better for their children to treat others better.

You can also skim through our relevant blog on How to engage as parents in Respectful Parenting?

Disrespect can usually be handled with empathy. One can take the time to understand why the other person is choosing to be unkind. One can choose to not take it personally as it may not necessarily be something about you that makes them want to disrespect you but more about how they are feeling at the moment and how they have learned to express it growing up. It is always recommended that you take the time to move away from the situation for your sake more than theirs because in the process you do not allow them to disrespect you further and also yourself to be treated with more dignity. In situations where you are unable to do so, you may choose to set boundaries with them and it is entirely okay to do so even if it is with family. 

You can talk to the individual when the situation settles about how you felt disrespected and let them know that you would like to be treated with more respect. You can approach someone you find safety and comfort in and tell them about how you felt when you felt disrespected by someone else.

To be able to let out how you feel when someone disrespects you is vital so that you do not choose to disrespect someone else in the process. One can choose a non-violent method of communication in order not to disrespect anyone further, this can be done by first understanding what about the other person’s behaviour or actions bothers you, how you feel when they treat you with disrespect, explaining what needs are getting dismissed in the process of being disrespected and finally letting them know what they can do to address those need instead of choosing to disrespect. For example, if a colleague says to you “You are useless and you wouldn’t complete the work we have given on time”.  One can take the time to reflect on what about the statement that makes you upset. You can then choose to see how you feel hearing someone talk about you that way. After which you can tell them how they disregarded your professional ability without any basis.

And at last, you can tell them “I would like you to have more basis to the accusation you are making and would like you to be more respectful while you give me feedback about my professional work. I am willing and ready to listen to your feedback”. 

– Urveez Kakalia and Krupa Abraham.