Laughing At Menopause

Menopause – I remember my mother going through it and at the time it seemed a really scary thing.  My mother went from a pretty timid quiet person to literally a monster, she became, outspoken, nasty, used to say the most horrible things to me and my dad, and nothing anybody did was right.  I remember the hot flashes too, we’d be standing in a shop and all of a sudden she would turn bright red and she would be sweating buckets in a matter of minutes, then she would rush out and take off as many clothes as she could get away with, finally cool down then we’d be off again.  God help anyone if they mentioned anything about her moodiness or her hot flashes.  I was visiting from overseas with my two small daughters and she literally chucked us out on the street in the middle of the night, because I dared ask her why she was so unhappy!

Now it’s my turn – luckily I haven’t got the mood swings, or not so anyone dare tell me!  But the hot flashes,  oh my god, I never dreamt anyone could get so hot without their skin bubbling and blistering.  They aren’t even hot flashes, I am on fire all of the time, I could walk around naked in Antarctica, if they would let me.

But of course they wouldn’t let me walk around Antarctica naked, once maybe they would have, but not now, since I hit 50, everything has dropped about six inches, my bottom seems to rest on the back of my knees, when I wave to someone my whole arm moves like a Mexican wave, my face even though I can be happy, my face just has permanent grumpy look.  I am starting to see wrinkles, not on my face, that’s another story, no on my knees!  Nobody told me you get wrinkly knees.  My neck has rings around it, something like a tree, when you chop down a tree you can see how old it is by the amount of rings it has, my neck is turning into a tree!

My hair too is falling out, I have long hair, but it is thinning, the drains are getting blocked, the vacuum cleaners rollers need to be de-haired every week, my hair is falling out, but it is appearing on my chin, for some unknown reason.

I used to wonder why when people got to a certain age, they would go into twin beds or even separate rooms, I know now why, menopause.  I go to bed in the middle of winter with the air conditioner on, fan on full blast, windows open,, totally naked and I’m still hot.  No wonder husbands move into another room or for that matter die before us.

Menopause – you just have to laugh at it really, but beware if you are female it comes to us all!

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